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Help wanted

Help wanted

Nothing worth doing can be done alone.

Here are three simple ideas:

  1. We are all connected.
  2. Nothing worth doing can be done alone.
  3. It’s OK — necessary, even — to ask for help.

Many guys don’t want to ask for help or reach out.

They assume that asking for help makes them weak. A sign of “failure”.

Perhaps an imposition or drag for other people. Or that other people can’t be trusted.

We disagree.

Reaching out to other people is often one of the most important, and bravest, things you can do.

The dependence continuum

Let’s look at three types of relationships with other people.

  1. Independence
  2. Dependence
  3. Inter-dependence

Independence is a drive to “do it yourself”. To develop your skills and personhood, and express them fully, on your own. It’s an essential quality in life and work.

Dependence is a reliance on others. We may find ourself depending on others for information, skills we don’t have, emotional sustenance, or caregiving (for instance, in the hospital).

Inter-dependence is a healthy blend of independence and dependence. When we are inter-dependent, we recognise that we need other people to survive and thrive. We don’t rely on them too much, nor do we isolate ourselves. We gather strength from our connections, and we help others as needed.

At times in our lives, we move between independence, dependence, and inter-dependence.

For instance, when we are young, we go back and forth between independence (“I can do it myself!”) and dependence (“Mum! I fell down!”).

As we age, ideally, we move towards inter-dependence: building a network of people who can support and sustain us — and for whom we can do the same. We develop ourselves but also our communications and caring skills so that we can help others grow too.

We get help with things we need help with. Then we help others.

For example, we need roads, clean water, and homes. We need food to be grown and medicines to be made. We need other people to teach us things (which we then teach to others).

We can’t possibly do every single thing ourselves. Nor should we.

We need other people. Other people need us.

When we reach out, ask for assistance, and stay connected, everyone wins.

 

 

Help! I need somebody!

 

This could be anything from food prep to workout motivation, to getting a babysitter so you can have gym time. Hell, it could even be picking out a workout shirt that doesn’t have holes in it. 

Ask yourself: Who can help me with this?

For each “help wanted ad”, think about who can help you.

Then (if necessary) suck up your pride, and ask for help.

99.9% of the time, you’ll be glad you did.

How to ask

If you’re not used to asking for help, it can be kinda weird and/or uncomfortable the first time you do.

Here’s how to ask for help so that you get the best support possible.

  1. Clearly identify what you want help with, and why.
  2. Tell the helper why you need their help, and focus on their positive qualities and/or unique skills as an essential part of that request. (Remember: People usually love to put their unique abilities to use.)
  3. Tell the helper exactly (or as much as possible) what they can do to help you. Be as specific as you can.

 

Give back

If you’re concerned about asking for help, vow to pay it forward — either to the person who helps you or to someone else.

  • The trade-off childcare with your partner, family member, or friend.
  • Take your workout buddy out for a (healthy) dinner. (Or better yet, show off your chicken-roasting and veggie-burger-making skills.)
  • If someone helps you in the gym, make a mental note to guide a newbie in future.
  • If you’ve recently gotten over a sports injury or illness, make a donation to a charity such as the Arthritis FoundationRight to Play or Ride for Heart.
  • If your partner, family member, or friend has recently done something to help you, appreciate them! Say thanks, and do something nice for them in return.

 

What to do today

  1. Understand the differences between independence, dependence, and inter-dependence.
    Independence and dependence, in the right proportions, are both healthy and normal.

Ideally, for most of our lives, we are inter-dependent

We give and take, and live in a real social network (no, we don’t mean Facebook — we mean friends, family, and other people that support us).

  1. Identify 3 areas where you might need help.
    These can be anything from small to large. Check your Wheel of Health for ideas.
  2. Identify people who can help you with these needs.
    If you can’t think of anyone yet, that’s OK. Just come up with a “potential helper”.
  3. Ask for help.
    Use our handy template:
    • Clearly identify what you want help with, and why.
    • Tell the helper why you need their help, and focus on their positive qualities or unique skills as an essential part of that request.
    • Tell the helper exactly (or as much as possible) what they can do to help you. Be as specific as you can.

 

If you’d like to hear more about the results our clients achieve, we’ve lots more testimonials here, or, if you’re interested in finding out more about the programme, please contact us to get in touch with the team who will be happy to help.

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